It’s Carnival Time

It’s that time of year again, the number one tourist draw of Louisiana, Mardi Gras.

I have a lot of conflicted feelings about this season.

There’s traffic.

The pollution is out of control.

Drunk assholes are the rule.

Tourists everywhere.

Bad music. And above all a celebration of all things New Orleans.

Buuuuuuttttttttttt…

There’s also family

Friends

Boobies

heh heh, kidding.

That marvelous pastry achievement, King Cake

Debauchery (I personally loved being debauched.)

Parades

And good clean fun

Plus it’s intrinsically tied to my childhood. So try as I might, I can’t really get myself to hate Carnival season.

So far I’ve only been to two parades, both of which were last night. We walked down the route a little, as is customary. Parades are often like family get togethers or high school reunions in this town. You can’t go to one without seeing someone you know.

We picked up some daquiris about a mile down. We got a good look at the freaks on the way there and a look at the underage girls on the way back. actually they looked more like this. Unfortunately, as we stared lasciviously at barely post- pubescent trailer trash, my stomach started turning. I had forgotten the golden rule of parades: “go before you leave.” We have port-o-potty’s here and there, but frankly… well… you’ve seen the pictures of the city after the 2005 flooding? It’s usually more disgusting than that.

There was no way I was going in one of those, no matter how bad I had to go. Have you ever farted on purpose because you were afraid you might shit your pants? I have. Aside from that, it was nice.

Also, they had a free concert series this past weekend called Family Gras. I was really looking forward to it. Friday night I hauled ass through rain and a ridiculous level of cold to make it in time to see Taylor Swift.

(She’s the one on the left.) Unfortunately, if there’s one thing you can count on in Louisiana, it’s that rain will ruin anything good that manages to find it’s way there. The concert was canceled just as I got there.

Fortunately, Sunday Blake Shelton was playing, which I was looking forward to even more. I go there seconds before he started playing, and found my way 20 feet from the center of the stage.

There was a good crowd there too. Some hotties. Some… not-ties. Seriously, there were some inbred, snaggle-toothed motherfuckers out that day. There was a forty year old guy in front of me who was losing it when Blake started singing. I swear I thought he was going to throw his panties up there.

About a half hour in, a 70 year old old black woman in a turbin asked if she could get in front of me so she could take a picture. I was feeling uncharacteristically generous and agreed, under the assumption that she would leave after she got her pic. Unfotunately, as Blake sat down to do an acoustic set

she ingratiated herself into her position and then started screaming at him. “BABY YOU SO SEXY!!!!! CAN I TOUCH YOU BABY?????!!!!!!! I WISH I WAS THAT BOTTLE IN YOUR MOUTH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” (still not sure what that one meant) “I’LL SUCK YO DICK!!!!” Alright, I made that last one up. But everything else is true. He played along with her at first, until he realized she was fucking nuts and quite serious. She kept screaming to touch him for twenty minutes. Then her phone rang and she thankfully fucked away off.

But it was a fun concert. An hour and a half for free by a major recording artist. Awesome. There’s a reason to love Mardi Gras.

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4 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by Chaibaby on January 30, 2008 at 4:24 am

    Hahah — the lady in the turban is a trip!!!!

    I need to experience Mardi Gras sometime, I think.

    Reply

  2. Posted by geist0 on January 30, 2008 at 4:45 am

    The lady was a nut. I was waiting for her to haul her cookies up onto the stage and assault him. … which would have been funny.

    You really don’t. It’s not worth it. But let me know if you do. I’ll try to keep you from being raped, mugged, or doused in acid (that actually happened to a tourist one year).

    Reply

  3. Posted by Loree on January 30, 2008 at 11:22 am

    I was there for Halloween once. That’s probably as close to Mardi Gras as I’m going to get. Love N.O. but don’t need all the additional human craziness on top of the baseline. 🙂

    Reply

  4. Posted by geist0 on January 30, 2008 at 1:41 pm

    Smart girl. Go with that thought.

    Reply

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