Does Not Play Well With Others

You know those games that people play where someone says something to you and you’re supposed to say the first thing that you think? Whenever someone says song you most relate to, I think of Creep by Radiohead. Is that sad?

It probably is. But that’s just the way I am. I’m a Rebel, baby. An Outsider to the core.

When it comes to failed friendships and people hating on the Adam-train (don’t be hatin’ yo!), I have a list as deep as a bunny rabbit’s taste for human flesh. (those things are fuckin’ evil. don’t be fooled by the ears and the candy.)

Yep, I just can’t seem to get along with people. I should come with warning signs like “Does Not Play Well With Others” and “Do Not Feed After Midnight” and “Do Not Expose to Cleavage”. It would make life simpler.

It’s not my fault really. With me, what you see is what you get. That is, unless your vision is impaired. The thing is, for all the discussion of low education standards in this country, we are largely a culture of subtext. People like to discuss what is not being said in the world even more than what is. While I am a big advocate of the subtleties of the English language, more often than not, when someone accuses someone of “false advertising” in this day and age, the accuser is usually just making shit up. If you say that most of your friends are white, there’s always someone there to yell out “What, you don’t like black people????” Nevermind that the person didn’t say that. But I’m not here to get political. This is about me.

My point is, there are two words in the English language that constantly come into play, but people don’t seem to know.

imply– to use subtext to say things that one does not wish to say directly.

infer– to assume subtext in someone’s words, where there isn’t any

People tend to infer a lot of shit from me. Constantly. If I’m quiet when I meet someone new (which I always am, ’cause I’m shy), they walk away saying “Gee, what an asshole! Like he’s too good to talk to me??” Huh? Did we have a conversation that I missed? It’s funny, because while I like the idea of subtlety of language and subtext, I don’t use it. I literally have no sense of subtlety. I just sort of say what I’m thinking. That isn’t to say that I don’t think before I speak, I do… I just think fast. If I don’t see anything wrong with being honest, then fuck it, I’ll say it. And people blame for stuff that I didn’t even do. “Well, you were the one who was acting like an asshole.” No, I wasn’t. You were in a pissy mood and started accusing me of shit. Sorry, not my fault.

And then everyone and their mother needs to tell me what’s wrong with me. Well, FUCK YOU. Telling me my problem, of which no one ever seems to have a clue, seems to be the national pastime some days. But god forbid I should tell them what wrong with them. That would just make me an even bigger asshole, not to mention wrong (not frakking likely). And I’m a big advocate of taking responsibility for one’s actions. I always take responsibility for my fuck ups. But here’s the thing… why should I have to take responsibility for someone else’s inferences?

And at the end of the day, who are they to tell me what my problem is and what I need to do to fix me. Who are these people to tell me that there is something wrong with who I am? Make no mistake, this is who I am. And if you don’t like that person… don’t hang around me. It’s bullshit.

But I think it goes beyond that. I’m a firm believer in pheromones. That’s the idea that animals are attracted and repelled based on smell. You see your nose is just one big chemical detector. It’s chemistry, you see. Laugh all you like, but it’s a scientific fact that some animals mate based on scent.
And make no mistake, we are all just animals. You might argue we’re really smart animals. (That’s up for debate.) But we are animals. So how do I back up this hypothesis?

Well for starters, it explains chemistry. You ever met someone who is absolutely perfect for you… same interests, same background or life experiences, whatever… but you just don’t have any interest in them? Or better yet, how do you explain women who keep going to men that abuse them? Love? Bullshit. Battered women show every sign of addiction.

And then there’s grammar school. Think back. You made your first best friend in kindergarten or the first grade on the very first day. You walked up to someone (or a group of someones) and asked if they wanted to be friends. No knowledge of them. They didn’t even speak before they said yes, but you chose them. And yet there were a certain number of people… a very small number who weren’t chosen. They were just as nice as everyone else. But no one chose them. And you know what? Those people kept not getting chosen over the years. By high school, you had created clearly defined reasons why they were outcasts, and yet you never actually got to know them. You just knew of them. You inferred things about them based on your own judgment and a complete lack of facts. See what I mean?

But we are who we are. I know I’ll always be this person, and I don’t especially see anything wrong with that. I will be accepted as I am or not at all, but I will never be who you expect me to be.

Whatever the reason, it seems I’ll always be on the periphery. It’s a fate I’ve long since accepted. Loner. Outsider. Rebel. King of the Outcasts. Does not play well with others.

You got a problem with that, bub?

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