What a Guy Wants

I’ve never had a clear image of what I want out of a woman. I know some people do, but for me it’s always been like pieces of a jigsaw puzzle… or perhaps more accurately, smaller images forming a larger mosaic.

There’s so much of me that wants a girls who’s sweet.

But at the same time I want a girl who is in touch with her inner wickedness.

I adore women who speak their minds. (No, really!)

But I also need someone who can just shut the fuck up sometimes.

Sense of humor is important.

Sense of sarcasm is essential.

I need a girl who wants to dance and sing.

But also one who wants to sit at home and watch movies together.

I need a girl who is crazy smart.

And maybe just a little crazy in general.

Someone to punch me in the arm when I need it…

Or sing to me at night.

Forgo the super model…

I’ll take the classic beauty.

I don’t want a Damsel in Distress…

I want a partner in crime.

A redhead would be nice, but isn’t necessary.

She should be a writer, because those are the people I like best.

She absolutely MUST be baudy.

Perhaps she might be a chameleon of sorts.

She should be dominant at times…

And submissive at others.

I need a Redneck Woman

Who still wants to Rock n Roll.

I want someone who doesn’t need me, but still wants me. A girl with passion in her eyes and fire in her soul. She’ll want to fuck like rabid animals on a hotel balcony, not because she’s a freak, but because she wants to feel alive. I’ll go to sleep with her cradled in my arms and wake up with her on my chest. She’ll be happy holding hands in my big nasty SUV while our rugrats cry bloody murder from the backseat. She’ll sing in the shower and act surprised when I try to join her. And I want a girl for whom the words “I want to grow old with you.” sound like the best thing in the world.

Oh… and if at all possible… I would like her to have enormous boobs.


13 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by Chaibaby on May 5, 2008 at 9:18 pm

    My husband just read this with me and agrees with you wholeheartedly!! (Except the redheaded redneck part…he says you can have my redheaded redneck sister :P)


  2. I was told you were the fun one in the family. all or nothing, babe!


  3. Posted by Mary on May 5, 2008 at 9:33 pm

    You have just confirmed that I am damn near perfect!


  4. Posted by Chaibaby on May 5, 2008 at 9:36 pm

    Hahah I don’t actually have a redneck, redheaded sister, otherwise I’d introduce you! As we were reading, Dave siad…”Wow! I agree! He’s describing you to a t!”


  5. Seeing as how you’re from Minnesota, I kinda figured you don’t have any. But I thought I’d play along anyway.


  6. Well, Mary, if you’d like, you can earn extra points by learning to spread your legs while doing a handstand. Also? You can get a perfect score by learning the following phrase: “My olympic gymnast sister would like to join us tonight.”


  7. Posted by Loree on May 6, 2008 at 12:28 am

    Dammit. I was all in till you got to the ginormous boobs part. Nice mosaic – I approve. Not get your butt off the computer and get out there where the women are!


  8. That’s a pretty great list:D I’ll be keepin my eye out for her!


  9. Loree-

    Where are they? I hear they grow women on a distant tropical isle called Vaginus.


  10. Momi~

    If you find such a girl, inform her that I am willing to move.


  11. Posted by M on June 3, 2008 at 2:04 am

    writtin about me again?? NICE! 😉 haha
    xoxo M to the Licious.


  12. Am I that obvious?


  13. Posted by M on June 3, 2008 at 8:14 am

    haha…you big tease! 😉


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