George Carlin is dead? MotherFUCKER…

There are rockstars in the world of comedy as well. Men and women “beyond the pale” if you get me. Amongst stand-ups their names are whispered in myth and legend.

Dangerfield
Pryor
Rickles
Cosby
Murphy
Bruce (Lenny)
Kaufman
Williams (of course, when they speak of Robin now, they pretend that he died in the 80s and the guy walking around is… like Gallagher 2 or something)

And of course, there’s Carlin. George Carlin. It’s funny, but he was one of my favorite stand-ups… one of my influences I would imagine… yet I would never mention him in a list. He sort of existed in the public consciousness. Like he didn’t belong on some list. Carlin is his own category and standard. I’ve always dug Carlin, since I first saw the commercial for his HBO special as a little boy. I was told I couldn’t watch that. And considering I had already seen Stripes and DC Cab, I knew that either my parents had no sense of consistency in parenting… or this was something reeeeeeaaalllly bad. As it turns, out it was both. I loved it. I have literally bonded with new friends by trading Carlin bits. “You know Carlin?” “Fuck yeah, I know Carlin!” “Dude, you’re awesome!” I imagine he would have called me a dipshit had he known that; and told us to “Get a fuckin’ life.” And I actually saw Carlin once at the Beau Rivage hotel with my best friend Steve. Hysterical. We spent the whole way home quoting him and laughing our asses off, like we had something to do with it. Assholes. The last thing I saw him in was one of my favorite movies, Jersey Girl. Oddly, it wasn’t a comedic role. He played a kindly old grandfather. And it’s funny, but as much as he was a legendary potty mouth, he was in many ways a kind old man as well.

When I found out this morning… LITERALLY the minute I woke up… all my fumbling, dazed mind could assemble was: “That fuckin’ sucks.” Which is about as appropriate a eulogy as a man like him would want. From what I’ve read and heard, Carlin wouldn’t want a bunch of assholes telling weepy stories and offering condolences to his family. He’d want a line of chainsmokers walking up to his open grave as the rain comes down in torrents, to look down, take a drag and say “This is BULLSHIT!”

And it is. This is fucking bullshit.

So as you’re going about your day, take a moment here and there to recognize that someone is full of shit and call them a cocksucker to their face. It’s what Carlin would have wanted.

In fact, I’m gonna go find some Obama supporters right now…

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