The Second Day

Sunday: Water Bored-ing

The problem with Carnival Cruise lines is that its designed for two groups of people.  Families with kids and really old people.  That isn’t to say there’s nothing to appeal to those of us outside those demographics, but let’s face it no one pays 600 bucks for Spring Break so they can spend their days playing bridge, doing Scavenger Hunts and learning to Cha Cha. But since your first and last days are usually at Sea and that’s what’s available, you are left with few options; those being sun tanning, massages, hot tubs and girl watching.   Fortunately for me, as those options happen to be my favorites, I’m sitting pretty.

I loooooove laying out on the deck with my head phones on.  It just puts me at peace in ways I cannot describe to you.  The world goes away and all my problems, all my fears and hate disappear as Kieth Urban and Peter Gabriel sing me lullaby’s and the ship gently rocks me to sleep under a sunny sky.
Oh yeah, and there are breasts involved.
Ms. Linda (aka Josh’a Aunt, Maria’s Mom and our host of sorts) asked me to video tape the Swing Dance lessons that everyone was participating in but me.  Mistake.   Half the video is me zooming in on the dance instructors’ asses, and the other half that actually does feature them dancing is consumed by my patented humorous narration.  I’m pretty sure she hasn’t checked the tape.
Shortly after asked that we attend a group picture.  We all had to wear bright green shirts that said ‘Dancing With Linda’ to the shoot.
me: Umm… shouldn’t yours just say ‘Dancing’
Ms. Linda:  what?
me: well… you ARE Linda, but your shirt says ‘Dancing With Linda’.  People are going to think you have multiple personalities.
Yeah. I have to put my two cents in everywhere I go.   The one good thing about the t-shirts was that it clearly identified all the people in our group and made it easier to avoid them all day.
The picture was supposed to take 15 minutes tops, after which we were running for cover before the geriatrics started line dancing.   It took about an hour, and technically we didn’t make it all the way through.  We stood on the stair case as the photographer moved us about like chess pieces for half an hour.  The old women were getting PISSED with Ms. Linda, rumbling and grumbling.  Finally they got two of the five photos, when suddenly one of the old men took a header onto the marble floor and started convulsing.  Not to worry, he’s fine.  he’s 70.  Thats what old people do.   What’s sad is that all the old women were happy as shit not to have to stand there and take anymore pictures.   And once they got him off the staircase five minutes later, they assumed he was fine and all went line dancing.
After which, I went back to the hot tub.
Later that night was the Captain’s Reception.  This is wher eyou get dressed up and go down to the main theater to listen to music, dance and meet the head crew.   This is pretty much my favorite night.  It feels like Prom.   We passed Ashley Landry (previously mentioned in the first days blog) on the way up, and as beautiful as she was in regular clothes, I have to say she was pretty much stunning in that dress.  Since we hadn’t really been introduced, Josh did all the talking.   Upon seperation, I suggested he needed to ask her to dance. He said she had a boyfriend, but honestly, who gives a shit?  When it came time to ask the ladies to dance, he opted to dance with Maria.   Frankly, if he wasn’t jumping on that, I was.
I strolled over to her casually as she sat by her mother.   “Excuse me, I’m Adam.  My friend Josh informed me that you have a boyfriend.  If I promise to behave myself, would you dance with me?”   She smiled and giggled and said yes as I took her hand and led her to the stage.  Don’t be impressed.  I was wearing a suit.  I can do pretty much anything when I’m in a suit.  Possibly even take over the world.  Clothes don’t necessarily make the man, but more often than not, they’ll tell you most of what you need to know about him.  And I am a slick fuck in a suit.  So yeah, I danced with one of the hottest girls on the ship.
After that we went to dinner.
There was nothing to do that night besides go singing, but fortunately I dig that.   I got up and did Black Sabbath’s War Pigs.   And by the way, I can rock me some War Pigs apparently.   Kicked ass.  There was a comedy show at midnight, but we had an 8 am shore excusion in Progresso the next morning so we went to sleep.

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