Traditions

When I was in high school, my favorite show was Mad About You.   I was more or less in love with Helen Hunt… or I guess her character, Jamie.  She seemed to be the perfect wife.  Hot, intellegent, witty… she could banter… and she was totally willing to fuck on the kitchen table while her friends were in the next room.   Who could ask for more than that?

Huh.  That was actually waaaaaaay off point.

There was an episode about Paul’s ( Paul Reiser) birthday, where he explained a tradition that his Uncle had passed on to him.   Every year on his birthday, he took a glass of a specific bottle of cogniac (?), went for a walk and reflected.

I always thought it was cool tradition, and when I was 21, I decided to implement a version of it.    Basically, at the end of every year, you talk about your accomplishments and failures of the past year, and what you hope to accomplish in the next year.  And we do this so that we may never become complacent in our lives.

The tradition sort of failed for years, because I didn’t have anyone who was willing to do it with me.   But I’ve been doing it online the last couple of years.  That is what the internet and myspace are for, after all!  Sharing.  I encourage you to do it with me, but if you do, put it in a blog of your own.   You cannot possibly recount your year and your future in a single comment.

So, these were my 2008 predictions.

 

  • FINISH THE BOOK.  FINISH THE BOOK.  FINISH THE BOOK. I will be focusing on publishing options.  It’s time to take my shot.
  • Romance needs to be in the air sometime next year.  Mindless sex would be acceptable, but going out with a few girls would be preferable.
  • I will get a third job.  I need to pay off some of my debt and either move to California, Australia or a cruise ship by next summer.
  • I need to keep working on being friendly and sociable with others.   Sitting in my room playing on myspace while jerking off and watching Veronica Mars DVDs… while immensly pleasurable… is not an acceptable life style.

 

Okay, so ummm… yeah, pretty much screwed the pooch there.  I did  trrrrrryyyyy to be nicer to people. So there’s that.   Nothing published. Book Unfinished. Didn’t have a date. No third job, and even quit the second.   Not moved anywhere.  Still masturbating and watching Veronica Mars. 

So… yeah.

Okay, yeah, 2008 may not have been a banner year, but it was far from a bad one.  I was struggling for a long time.  I’d lost my faith, and in doing so lost all reason.   I was tormented by waking nightmares of death.   A lot of that passed when I started taking Paxil during the summer/ fall.  Those mini- panic attacks subsided and I was better able to function throughout the day.

Subsequently, I have felt (more lately than anything) a personal strengthening.   I’m feeling a bit of the old me.  More alive. More confident.  Sexy, even. I feel like I’ve accessed a part of my brain long shut down. And am now more ambitious; more inventive. It’s a good feeling, even if I was much less liked back then.  But I’ll take personal success over people liking me.   I haven’t been on the Paxil for more than two weeks, and I wonder if this feeling is chemically or personally induced.  I think the latter, though my doctor assures me otherwise. 

And I have been talking to the ladies more lately. Don’t laugh, that’s a big thing with me.  But I feel like I’ve been handling them better.  Not in a manipulative way, mind you.   Just… in a “Hi, my name is Adam and I want to buy you a drink and find out who  you are.” kind of way.

But while my mental health has been prospering, my physical health has diminished.  I seriously need to lose weight. I am by far heavier than I’ve ever been.  While I am not currently impeded from any physical activities, I can’t keep gaining weight like this.   But once I get out of an exercise habit, it’s tough to get back in.   Also, I’ve been diagnosed with sleep apnea.  Which means I stop breathing at night.  They want me to spend 80 dollars a month to rent some machine that pumps air down my throat.  It’s bullshit to spend that much on renting what amounts to an air compressor.  But I do need it.  Perhaps now more than ever, as I seem to be tired all the time.

I quit my weekend job because of an altercation with my employers where they forgot to pay me and then proceeded to tell me in no uncertain terms that  I was to blame.  So I left a note and never went back.   Unfortuately, I have failed to find a part-time job since then.  This sucks for so many reasons.  I need to curb my debt.  Not to mention the fact that I now need a new computer since my piece of shit Dell had crapped out on me after less than two years.  Meanwhile the one that’s five years old is still sort of running.

I just passed the road test for my Motorcycle license.  All I need now is to pass the written test.  Motorcycles have been a big part of the last 6 months, adding to my overall quality of life.

I am emotionally and psychologically in a good place for the future. 

2009 Predictions

  • I’ll get my license and go riding with my old man.
  • I will save money and buy my new iMac computer. 
  • There will be a second job. And there may be a new first job if the right circumstances come along. 
  • Publishing is a difficult thing to predict.  But i will advance myself as a writer and artist, and work towards making those dreams a reality.
  • To better myself as a man, I will talk to every pretty girl I run across.
  • To better myself as a person, I will control my rage and be nicer to people.
  • I will forge new relationships and friendships, female or otherwise.  And I will strengthen the bonds I have.
  • I will work to regain a level of personal control.  Meditation is a good start.
  • To lose weight, I will change factions of my diet and buy a bicycle for regular exercise.
  • Moving is first and foremost on my mind.  I will search job listings and attempt to move by this time next year.

Thats it for me.  Remember, these are not New Year’s resolutions. They are predictions.  Whether I do them or not is up to me, but there is no immediacy on them.  Do you have any predictions? Are you where you thought you would be a year ago?

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