How to Fix the Economy in 50 Words or Less

The other day I was listening to Walton and Johnson on the radio as I usually do.  I turned it on just in time to hear one of the most brilliant solutions to the current recession I have ever heard.

Neither I nor Walton and Johnson came up with this.  In fact I didn’t catch who it was that did.  But apparently some guy wrote Barack Obama in response to the new stimulus package which will cost us trillions of dollars we don’t have, and is not going to fix anything.

His idea was this.  Dump the stimulus bill.  Instead, take part of that money and create a new program.   Find 40 million American citizens over the age of 50 who hold stable jobs in the workforce.  Give each of them 1 million dollars apiece.

They get this money under three conditions:

  1. They go into early (and permanent) retirement. 
  2. They pay off their mortgage or buy a house if they don’t have one.
  3. They buy at least one American car.

It’s so frakking simple that it’s pathetic no one has thought of it before.   It’s absolutley brilliant.  If you’re not getting it, let me lay out just a few of the major results of this plan.

  • Forty Million housing loans paid off.  End of housing crisis.
  • Forty Million American cars sold (and that is a LOW estimate, since many will buy more than one car). That’s more cars sold at one time than in the entire history of the automobile industry.  (I think.)  No need to bail out GM.
  • Forty Million jobs open up.  End of job shortage.  (Also, a listener pointed out some of those people will probably start businesses of their own, creating more jobs.)
  • Billions of dollars get put in the bank, creating revenue and interest.  But unlike bailouts, this plan puts money in the hands of the people.  HELL. YEAH.
  • Forty Million people retire with money to spend.  Tourism goes up.

That’ll stimlate your fuckin’ economy. The fact is, I’m not an economist.  I’m just an average guy with a slightly above average intellect.  But for the life of me, I can’t think of a single problem with this idea.  Sadly, it’ll never happen.   Wouldn’t help Obama or his friends.

Whoever the hell this guy is, why didn’t HE run for President?

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