Posts Tagged ‘I am an asshole’

Megan Fox is Kind of a Whore

courtesy of... somebody

courtesy of... somebody

Like most of America with an erect penis, I was dazzled by Megan Fox’s …wits when she debuted on the live action Transformers movie.  In retrospect, seeing her young, tender flesh splayed over a Camaro is about the only thing that made that piece of shit watchable.  But goddamn it, I own the DVD and thanks god for slow-mo remote settings.

And yeah, I saw Revenge of the Fallen.  I’m pretty sure I saw her uterus in the first scene.

But the more I see of her, the more I’m certain of one thing.  This is a woman who will end up in porn.

And she won’t be one of the classy ones like Jenna Jameson or Stormy Daniels… she’ll end up in movies like Dude Where’s My Penis? and Granny and the Trannie.   She’ll be in Dustin “screech” Diamond’s next porn film.

Sure, it’s a little mean to judge the tramp, but come on.. she was fucking David Silver when she 16!   I mean if you had to fuck one of the washed up actors from Beverly Hills 90210, why would you go for the gay rapper with the ear ring who was stuck waiting  years for Aaron Spelling’s daughter to give him a hand job?  Sorry, sweetheart, but it’s inevitable.  You should have fucked Brandon.   I mean, shit, the guy’s initals are  B-A- G.  And I’m pretty sure the moment Kelly Kapowski let his “little Silver” inside her is the exact moment America stopped giving a shit.   (Come back to us Kelly Kapowski… we forgive you for sucking his penis.)

Not only that, but she’s a mouthy little bitch.  These days, it seems like you can’t take a leak without running into her open mouth…  (nah, too easy).   Tonight I ran across some pictures of her on the Superficial.com, my new favorite celebrity gossip site. It delves deep into the heart of a story, and exposes it’s glorious, well-oiled, bulbous tits.

AHEM.  Sorry.

This is Megan at  Nickolodeon’s Teen Choice Awards.

courtesy of Universal and theSuperficial.com

courtesy of Universal and theSuperficial.com

This appears to be her openly fingering herself while her tits hang out like a couple of college kids trying to score some weed.

courtesy Universal and thesuperficial.com

courtesy Universal and thesuperficial.com

Here she appears to be actually peeing on herself.

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Universal and Superficial

Now she looks just batshit insane.  And her facial expression is reminiscent of that time Grandma hit the Schnapps and tried to fuck cousin Sal.

Holy Shit.

Holy Shit.

And here she is about to eat your fucking children.

Ah, who the fuck am I kidding?  If Madonna and Angelina Jolie are internationally respected artists, Megan Fox is going to get a goddamn Nobel Peace Prize for talking to whales or some shit.

For more fucked up shit, check out www.URNasshole.com coming soon to an interwebz near you!

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