Posts Tagged ‘World Naked Bike Ride’

American Penis

You may or may not be aware of my desire to participate in the World Naked Bike Ride in Portland.  I was shocked to discover it’s existence less than a year ago from a girl I’d met online.   Honestly, if I’d had the money I would have gone to this year’s event.

My best friend was a little confused by this concept.   “Would you really do that?”

“YES.”  The words ran from my mouth almost before he could finish his.   There isn’t a doubt in my mind that I would be willing to disrobe in front of others.

“Why do you want to?”

“An overwhelming desire to show the world my genitals?”

“WHAT?”

“–nothing.”  Admittedly, I’m not in it to spread awareness of bike riders like the hippies out there.   I’m just trying to spread awareness about my cock.

In essence, it is like climbing a mountain to me.  You do it “Because it’s there.”   Because you can.  I mean, why not??   I’m not ashamed of my body.  It’s just nudity.   Sexuality doesn’t have to be scary.   It’s natural.   It is a natural thing for a human being to want to feel the wind and the sun on their naked skin.   To deny it is to deny ourselves.  –okay I made that part up.   But it’s true.

Cock Sock

Lets be honest.  It’s only a penis.  What’s so scary about that?  Its not as though I have the words “this machine kills pussy” tattooed on it.   It’s screwed up American Sexual Politics that govern our lives, spreading teen pregnancy and venereal diseases in it’s wake.    Maybe if we all got naked a little more often, we would be mentally, physically and emotionally better off.

“This machine kills sexual hang ups.”

“and fucks your mouth.”

Get Naked!!

In spite of my Roman Catholic upbringing, I do not subscribe to the theory that sex and sexuality are shameful.  Horseshit.   Nor do I believe the human body is something we should be ashamed of, though that’s something I struggle with just as much as anyone.  We shouldn’t be afraid of nudity.  It doesn’t make you vulnerable. It’s who you are.

Less than a year ago, a girl I know from Oregon informed me that she would be getting naked this June for the World Naked Bike Ride.   I was intrigued… at first because she was talking about herself naked, but later at the thought of the event.

Apparently the WNBR is this event that occurs in 70 locations throughout the globe.   It’s a bunch of hippies who shed their clothes and don bicycles to spread awarness about cyclist safety, energy consumption and  the size of their genitals.

I’m not reallydown with the message.  I don’t have a problem with hippies as long as they keep their political and –marajuanical– opinions to themselves. And yet I am bemused at the thought.  Naked fleshy apendages are bemusing.

I really wanted to do it this year, but circumstances would not permit.  But after hearing a first person account of the event, I am more driven than every to pop wheelies and woodies in Oregon next year.

“Do you really think you could get naked in front of all those people?”  a friend asked.   Absolutely.  It’s scary, but doable.   That said, I may try to get hold of some viagra or cialis beforehand.  Mine is not a “show-penis”.

It has, however, some of the qualities of a stunt penis.

You may ask why someone like me would do something like this.  It’s like sky diving without the whole “falling to your death” part.  It’s about facing your fears.   Once you’ve waved your penis (or flashed your ‘gyna) around a major American city going ten miles an hour, you’ve got bragging rights.

You get to say “I did this.”  Something only a handful of people have ever done.  Something very few people would ever do.

At the very least, I figure my odds of scoring with some drunk hippie chick are increased when we’re both naked and pulsing with adrenaline.